Monthly Archives: July 2017

Dynamics of Relationship from a Spiritual Perspective

Healing and Purpose-Specific Relationships

“Through Love, thorns become roses,

Vinegar becomes sweet wine,

The stake becomes a thorn,

The reverse of fortune seems good fortune,

A prison becomes a rose bower,”…

-Rumi

“The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love.”

-Hubert H. Humphrey

“Until the Real Thing Comes Along”

-Sammy Cahn

Even though I’ve focused thus far on learning relationships in which the dysfunction or problematic resonates, I’d like to add that certainly not all relationships are learning relationships and, additionally, that not all learning relationships are difficult or unpleasant. Aside from true soul mate relationships that most of us aspire to find and be involved in, there are other types of romantic relationships as well. Some of these other non-soul mate relationships may be pleasant, but don’t have a real “charge” to them, so that the people in them feel comfortable, but don’t feel inspired or really in love. The relationship may be pleasant or comfortable and non-challenging, but may also feel bland. I have seen several clients in relationships like this and have found that there is usually a purpose that this type of relationship serves.

One of the purposes for relationships such as this is to provide a healing aspect or soothing or comforting experience for those involved in the relationship. In other words, one or both of the people involved may have been through a particularly difficult or draining relationship or experience, or even a series of such relationships, and the pleasant but bland relationship affords him/her the opportunity to heal from the other relationship(s). This type of relationship, the healing relationship, thus represents a relationship that affords R and R (rest and relaxation). This gives those involved the opportunity to be in a romantic relationship at the same time that they are healing from the draining relationship or experience, rather than attempting to recoup while alone.

I have further seen other positive relationships, which, even though they are still not the true, partner relationship, serve the purpose of “introducing” a person to the qualities and dynamics of a good relationship, while also allowing him/her to re-pattern his/her normal mode of relating. This may be the first positive relationship a person has ever been in, and the situation allows the person to experience the dynamics of a healthy relationship for the first time, while also sometimes gaining practice being in a good and non-dysfunctional intimate relating situation. Thus, re-patterning relationships such as this, even though they’re not with the true soul mate, serve as a mechanism by which one can re-pattern his/her traditional (and often unhealthy) role in a relationship and can learn instead to play a healthier role and experience more positive dynamics.

Another type of positive, but non-soul mate, relationship occurs when two people are going through similar things or are working (either growth-wise or career-wise) on similar issues. In other words, they are paralleling each other in some way with regard to growth or experience. This type of relationship, the paralleling relationship, affords them support, whether explicit, through mutual discussion of what they’re each going through, or implicit, through an unconscious awareness of their shared experiences, as well as insight on the shared issue(s) they’re going through, as they share experiences with each other. Paralleling relationships can subtly give those in them energy, instead of their being in a difficult learning relationship that could drain their energy.

Some relationships may represent a combination of some of these types of relationships. As you can see from these pleasant, but non-soul mate types of situations, relationships will generally come into existence for a reason, whether we’re aware at the time of what that reason may be or not.

In addition, I have also seen people in non-soul mate or -partner relationships for more mundane reasons. They may have a rational, rather than emotional, reason for being in a certain relationship and may decide to be in the relationship out of a rational motivation. In other words, the mind may be engaged in the relationship, but not the heart. This could be, for example, because the person feels that he or she is ready to get married and/or wants children and just looks for someone to marry. I’ve seen some clients come up with a laundry list of what they want in a marriage partner, based upon external or superficial considerations (e.g., makes a certain income, is a certain height, drives a certain car, lives in a certain type of house, even how they look as a couple to others), rather than what the person is really like either on the inside or in habits or personality traits – or even how they feel about them. I have even seen some clients make a decision to marry someone because that person had one attribute that they wanted in a mate (for instance, a calm and steady temperament), irrespective of the fact that they really felt no emotional connection to or love for their future partner. This type of consideration is often a recipe for a future failed relationship, especially when the emotional component is lacking and there is, in its place, a preference for the rational and feeling-less element in the decision-making process.

I have also seen some clients decide to enter into – and doggedly stay in – relationships for financial security, although this motivation may be understandable for women in a society that has traditionally undervalued women economically. Whether one can stay permanently in such relationships depends upon the person and his/her priorities. However, I have often seen clients in relationships such as this who were miserable and whose hearts were crying out for true resonance and connection. The lessons in these relationships may have to do with independence, going to a deeper level, being true to oneself, or any number of other realizations.

Respect You in All Your Relationships

It’s no secret that it takes two to create and maintain a healthy relationship. Although I would agree with this statement, I also know there is a lot one person can do to change the dynamics of any relationship. And since none of us have the power to change another person, it only makes sense that the best place to start in our relationships is with ourselves.

At our local Super Walmart, there is a gentleman there by the name of George. George stands at the front door and enthusiastically greets everyone who walks into Walmart. He smiles at the guests and with a jubilant tone, he asks people how they’re doing. When he’s not talking to someone, he is singing and enjoying life wholeheartedly. George has the ability to change me and my mood, simply by being who he is. By honoring what is important to him – joy – he brings out the best in his Walmart relationships.

Our lives are touched by many relationships. While most of us define a relationship as existing between two people, there are other types of relationships as well. The one component of your relationships that remains constant, however, is you. So as we explore the relationships in your life, I want to invite you to ask yourself these important questions as it relates to each of these precious relationships.

Who are you in this relationship?

Who do you want to be in this relationship?

What important values do you want to define this relationship?

What needs are being met or not being met in this relationship?

Is respect practiced in this relationship?

Does this relationship give you positive energy? Or does it drain you?

In what ways do you nurture this relationship?

What changes need to occur in this relationship?

Relationship with God

God is your Rock. He is your foundation. He is the Source for an unending supply of love, peace, patience and wisdom. Since God is the Master Creator, He is the central point from which all other relationships are formed.

Relationship with Self

Without love and respect for yourself, it is difficult to love and respect others. An authentic relationship with you is critical to creating honest and open relationships with others. The relationship with self must be nurtured frequently so you can be emotionally and physically available to your other important relationships.

Relationship with Spouse

Although this relationship may or may not exist in your family, if it does, it is the link that ties your family together. This link must be strong enough to withstand the challenges of raising your children and building a healthy family.

Relationship with Children

These relationships are the reason we call ourselves mom. We have been entrusted by God to be their soul provider and protector. Our children depend on us for guidance, teaching, and most importantly, love.

Relationship with Parents and Siblings

These relationships were our primary relationships in life. It is where we practiced how to be in relationship with other people. Depending on what we learned in our early years, we may or may not want to model these relationships. Healing these first relationships significantly affects the health of our relationships today.

Relationship with Friends

Our friends, depending on who we choose, have the ability to be a great support for us. Friends meet significant emotional needs for women, and remind us that fun, sharing and bonding is important for our overall well being.

Relationship with Boss, Coworkers and Clients

These relationships, if we work, take up a tremendous amount of our waking hours. Much of what we experience at work is brought home to our loved ones. Our working relationships can inspire us or drain us, so it’s important that we choose these relationships wisely.

Relationship with Time and Money

Although time and money are not human beings, they are precious commodities in our life. How we choose to spend our time affects every relationship in our lives. Our relationship with money holds energy in our lives. We have the ability to attract or repel money depending on how we treat it.

In each of these and other significant relationships, you are a vital contributor. Who you are in each of these relationships can make or break the quality that you experience. So be yourself and align you relationships with your values. Make the time to nurture your relationships because, in the end, relationships are all that really matter.

What is the Potential of Any Relationship?

Recently I explored relationships from the standpoint of the individuals involved, which is astrologically termed synastry. Each of the two people in a relationship is viewed individually for their personal relating potential. Once each is individually described, a comparison between the two describes the more intimate details of their story. However, there is more than one way to look at relationships. At the moment any pairing occurs, a new dynamic is produced which is termed a relationship. Relationships occur on so many levels: parent and child, marriage, boss and worker, teacher and student, siblings, in-laws, law and criminal, doctor and patient, stalker and victim, clergy and parishioner, to name a few.

Regardless of how many people we meet and the circumstances under which we meet them, in a split second of time a unique relationship is formed, one that did not exist prior to that moment and will cease to exist if the two people involved choose not to pursue it. Some of these meetings are brief such as a waitress handing you a cup of coffee. Some last a lifetime such as family members or marriage partners.

The bond that occurs between a mother and a child at the moment of birth is unique. After many years of refusing to allow the father to be present at the birth, the medical establishment currently encourages the father’s participation. The split-second bonding that the mother has always experienced is now available to the father. Yes! Nothing can equal that incredible moment and nothing can capture it once it has passed without the father’s participation. The mother really does not have a choice at childbirth; her participation is mandatory. Many years ago I took a workshop by Joseph Chilton Pearce in which this birth moment bonding process was explored. I immediately went home and told my son and his pregnant wife to be sure they were both part of the birthing process if it was at all possible. Many grandkids later, my whole family encourages this experience because of the bonding that occurs at the instant of birth.

Suppose I have ten friends. Each pairing provides a unique friendship. This takes nothing away from my other nine friends and enlarges each of our lives because of those friendships. I am bettered and my friend is bettered by our friendship. If I am a better person because of that friendship, I will be a better person to all my other friends, family, co-workers, etc. Whatever adds to my personal dimension in a positive fashion affects everything I do and everyone I touch with my more positive self. Conversely, if I am in a relationship that is negative, that negativity also affects all other relationships in which I participate if I am in any way diminished or compromised in the experience of that one relationship. I have been lessened therefore I am less than what I could be with all whom I come in contact.

To me there seem to be parts or stages to relationships in general. There is an initial introductory part… the beginning. Next comes the process, duration and nature of the relationship. A third stage might have to do with endings or finality. This would translate loosely to a beginning, a middle and an end. I am sure there are other divisions or stages to explore. Each stage has myriad possibilities for experience as each relationship is unique. Astrologically we can easily look at the potential of any relationship (the beginning) and we can also look at the reality of the relationship (the middle and possibly the end). At times the potential and the reality of a relationship work harmoniously. What we see is what we get. At other times a relationship does not live up to its potential. What we see is not what we get. It would be helpful to compare both possibility and reality to determine which relationships have a better chance of success in real life terms. In this article we will examine the potential of the relationship using the composite wheel. The reality of a relationship will be covered in a companion article.

The method by which you construct a composite wheel is to start with the natal (birth) wheels of each of the two individuals involved. Briefly, there are 13 major points that are traditional when reading astrologically: the Sun, Moon, and the eight planets, the ascendant, midheaven and lunar nodes. Thirteen points are primary out of a possible 360-degree circle for each person. You construct these points by adding together the two Suns, the two Moons, the two ascendants, etc. separately. Once you have obtained those totals, you divide each of them by two and that gives you the new figures for the composite wheel. Example: Sun #1 plus Sun #2 divided by two equals the composite Sun. The new wheel is drawn by traditional rules and is called a composite. In our modern era, computer-generated wheels do all the work for you. You have a wheel.

At this point you must do a very unusual thing with your mind. You must stop thinking of the individuals involved and keep your focus on the relationship as an entity. This wheel is not about the individuals, no matter how much one individual wants to slant it in their own direction. This map is about the potential of the relationship that is formed not the individual people involved. I am repeating the word potential for a reason. Because of the mathematics involved, this artificial wheel assumes that the two people involved will meet each other half way on all issues, 50/50, and that is not remotely possible in any society. There must be give and take between the two people involved in any relationship but equalization on all issues is a fantasy. The composite allows you to see the idealized potential but may not fit the actuality of the experience over time. Why?

At the beginning of any meaningful relationship, the people involved really have high hopes for the relationship and are on their best behavior to ensure that the relationship continues. This is an unnatural behavior because none of us can be on our best behavior forever. Sooner or later we will relax into normalcy (for us) and that produces change in the relationship. It is not faking or intentional, it is natural. Most of us will do whatever we must to cement a relationship and then we relax. Over time the potential that enticed us may not turn out to be our actual experience. This can be disillusioning and disappointing but it may not be deliberate. Eventually we each will be true to our own selves as the “ideal” gives way to “reality.” If we have made the mistake of putting one another on pedestals this could be devastating as one or both fall off those pedestals. The repercussions from such falls can get very nasty.

Composite is the technique that has been easily available to astrologers for many years both as hand-cast wheels and computer printouts. It is an excellent tool for exploring the potential of the relationship and has been the most popular choice of astrologers worldwide. The alternative is called the relationship wheel and is based in reality but was extremely difficult to calculate by hand. With the advent of computer printouts, this wheel has become increasingly available. The body of information and experience to support this alternative technique is growing but far more information is currently available for the composite technique.

How to Read A relationship in its initial stages can be such a delight. Our imagination and our wishes for a good life are in full bloom as we explore the possibilities. The question is will the ongoing relationship live up to our expectations? It is not individuals who disappoint us. It is our unrealistic expectations that cause failure and frustration. A person on a pedestal has only one direction to go and that is off. We might discover that our knight in shining armor is rusty with a nasty disposition or that any female involved may not be the virtuous Maid Marion.

  • The composite Sun describes the inherent nature and identity of the couple’s relationship potential by sign and the arena of strongest influence by house.
  • The composite Moon describes the nesting urge and the emotional makeup of the couple’s relationship potential by sign and the arena where those issues will play out by house.
  • Composite Mercury describes the communication and decision-making function of the couple’s relationship potential by sign and the arena where that will play out by house.
  • Composite Venus describes the relating ability and social and financial values of the couple’s relationship potential by sign and the arena where that will play out by house.
  • Composite Mars describes the action, assertive and aggressive functions of the couple’s relationship potential by sign and the arena where that will play out by house.
  • Composite Jupiter describes the expansive, philosophical and worldview of the couple’s relationship potential by sign and the arena where that will play out by house.
  • Composite Saturn describes the traditional, responsible, organizing function of the couple’s relationship potential by sign and the arena where that will play out by house.
  • Composite Uranus describes the forward-seeking, non-traditional, unusual facets of the couple’s relationship potential by sign and the arena where that will play out by house. Can you say chemistry?
  • Composite Neptune describes the imagination, inspiration or the delusional function of the couple’s relationship potential by sign and the arena where that will play out by house.
  • Composite Pluto describes the power, manipulation or obsessive/compulsive function of the couple’s relationship potential by sign and the arena where that will play out by house.
  • The composite ascendant shows the couple’s projection, coping skills, and response to the environment of the couple’s relationship potential by sign. (The ascendant is the 1st house cusp). This is how the relationship itself is viewed by others.
  • The composite midheaven shows the couple’s drive to goals, stature and potential for success as the couple’s team relationship potential by sign. (The midheaven is the 10th house cusp). This is what expresses the couple’s need to achieve or accomplish.
  • The composite north lunar node shows the group interaction and collective influence of outsiders to the couple’s relationship potential by sign and the arena where that will play out by house.

The traditional use of aspects will illustrate the inter-relationship between the composite planets and points. I do reduce the orb of effect to 5 degrees because the composite is a construct and not a real time and space wheel.

Always remember that the composite and the reading is about a couple and not the individuals. Include the word potential in your readings because the composite represents what the relationship is and how it will work if the couple meets each other 50% of the way on all issues.

Composites are quite valuable in the initial stage of the relationship because that is what the people involved are seeing and experiencing. If you have concerns about what you see in the composite as an astrologer it is not easy to get the participants to see your concerns clearly. They see the relationship through the filter of wants, needs and expectations. They want it to succeed so it is difficult to accept that problems may be lurking. Sometimes you have to rain on someone’s parade to point out all the facets you see and not just the positives. The reality check occurs in the companion relationship wheel that is based on real-time calculations. Stay tuned.

3 Secrets of Successful Long Term Relationships

Happiness – why we want to be in love and in a relationship. Better why we choose one partner over another and stay loyal and faithful. Faster the incredible opportunity the right relationship presents at a deep, soul, spiritual level: fulfilling our ambitions – Faster.

Five contact points

1. Faster: Physical and Financial Attraction. Pleasure and Fulfilment come faster.

2. Better: Mental Attraction – Compare your partner to anyone else and there is no better.

3. Happier: Soul and Emotional Love Attraction – A Deep sense of Perfection.

LET”S START WITH FASTER:

If being with you makes my life slower, makes my aches and pains last longer, makes my emotional downers harder to recover from, makes my career slow down, my plans delayed, my vision extend out for more years, am I going to remain committed to a relationship with you?

We have to recognise here that relationships are based on getting what we want. They’re all about love and attraction too, we’ll discuss that in a minute, but at the core essence of human existence at the most spiritual levels of heart and soul is, yes, getting what we want. The more we have, in whatever form, the more we can contribute. Nobody wakes up wanting less – (unless it’s stress).

Relationships succeed because you are getting what you want, when you want it, and you’re getting it more, and faster than you were before. And, yes, I hear the negative implication of orgasms and so on, well think it through before you shoot the messenger. Do you think, you’ll stay happy in a relationship if you can get sex faster and easier with a stranger than you can with your partner. People do not gravitate to hard work, or more difficulty. Faster is king and queen of the spiritual realm and relationships at the spiritual realm last forever.

Let’s not limit this conversation to sex. Although we could easily do so. Let’s add wealth, lets add sport goals, and social friendship roles, career ambitions and humanitarian responsibilities. Do you think we gravitate toward or away from things that slow those down? We gravitate away – it’s the Soul of Humanity to strive toward betterment, a better world, a better life, better strength to contribute – which often means more simplicity, more technology, more refined process. It NEVER means more trouble, more difficulty and certainly not, longer periods of waiting. NEVER.

Faster recovery from emotional upset, faster process toward your goals (include financial), faster process for sexual and personal pleasure and more of your ambitions achieved in a shorter period of time. Link this to your relationship and you’ll have magnetism. Find a disconnect and you’ll start to lose the libido and communication that makes love grow.

I’m sure you can list a thousand situations you’ve observed where, in the desire for a better relationship, one or both partners have actually put the brakes on their partner’s ambitions in career or sport or fun, or even philanthropic ambitions, and as such killed the relationship. One lady, partnered a guy who was an aspiring musician with a great full time job to pay his lifestyle. She bought into his life romance and inspiration which added value to his ambition to be a great musician but she was so emotionally self absorbed, his mind and heart we continually distracted by her emotional upset over her children (past marriage), her ex, her life, her health, that in spite of the love that guy had for her, he just drew down to protect his SOUL mission of music. This is nature, protecting her own.

THE SECOND STEP TO SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS IS – BETTER

COMPARISON is Nature. Nature compares, so do you. The minute you compare your partner to another person and think that the other person would be a better partner than the one you’re with, you’re unhappy. And that’s the end of it.

Comparison is critical but the outcome is not predetermined. It’s you. If you’re generous, positive, kind and appreciative of your partner every other person who comes into range of sight, touch, smell, thought, sound, tastes must be subordinate to them. That’s it,your partner is BETTER than all your other options. and you do have many including being single.

Compromise means others would be better and that’s the most relationship killing, libido depreciating, personally rejecting, heart closing, head banging state of mind a human can bring to another person. You’re second best and I’m prepared to suffer it. That’s compromise, and it’s the first nail in the coffin of happiness.

This relationship you are in has to be perceived as far better than anything else. If you perceive being single as better than this relationship, then you’re depreciating the person you’re with and hurting them subconsciously. If you’re thinking that compromise is ok, then just wait and see how those thoughts eventually sabotage your relationship.

Being in this relationship must be perceived as the best place for you to be. No seconds or thirds. It achieves this status because you choose to think those things, and if you choose not to, then the end is near, eventually.

BETTERMENT is the Deeper Spirit of relationship and if this relationship isn’t the best betterment, then it won’t last unless you change your mindset.

If you don’t get this one, then something is really wrong. People come to a relationship to me BETTER. They don’t come to a relationship to SUSTAIN what they already have. Whatever they had outside or before this relationship or could have without this relationship, needs to be IMPROVED by this relationship. BETTER is MAGNETISM and nobody will cheat or defeat BETTER.

THE THIRD STEP – HAPPY

We all know that “making someone happy” is impossible. An unhappy person is unhappy and no relationship on earth is going to change that, right? We are on the same page? Most people think a relationship is going to make them happy, but that’s a week, month or a year at the tops. Unhappy people are unhappy, in and out of a relationship. Oh, and by the way, Happy people don’t get Unhappy because of the relationship. The fact is some people just don’t know how unhappy they are until they get into a relationship that cuts off their escape routes.

So, here’s the real rub for long term relationship success in Happiness.

YOU HAVE TO BE HAPPY.. Yeah baby, it’s you. Not your partner, not your relationship, that’s nothing to do with it. YOU have to be happy and the most important thing you have to be happy about, is nothing.

Now, you might be confused, so, here’s a bit more information on this. Being happy because you get, got, have, or had something is physical and understandable so lets label that PLEASURE. Pleasure of the physical nature can come and go, as we all know. So, it’s really dumb to label HAPPY with the derivation of pleasure. If pleasure comes and goes, then so will our happiness. We’re like a donkey chasing a carrot on a stick or a cat chasing its tail. This is a definite burnout model for relationships.

HAPPY people ARE HAPPY. No cause.

So, HAPPY in relationship means HAPPY in LIFE means HAPPY in SELF. A miserable person might be attracted to a Happy relationship but eventually that misery, that internal emotional dialogue infects the relationship and that’s the end of romance.

People become as you think about them. If you’re appreciating your partner, appreciating them (BETTER) and seeing that, they are helping you live your DESTINY FASTER you have the first part of successful relationship. But the third element, HAPPY, has nothing to do with your partner or your RELATIONSHIP.

Happy is up to you and it is, without question, the most challenging.

Sometimes people think that Making Someone Happy, will make them want to be with us. That’s is not exactly true. If we are already happy before we meet someone, then everything we do will make them happy, it’s infectious. But if we are not happy and we try to make others happy, the real hope is that by making them happy, they’ll return the favour. This fails.

The most Narcissistic thing we can do is to CHANGE OTHERS TO MAKE THEM HAPPY. The most altruistic thing we can do is to CHANGE OURSELVES TO BE HAPPY, because this happiness is infectious and then, it doesn’t matter so much how we serve the world – our happiness guarantees goodness comes from it.

This is ironic because rather than changing your partner, trying to make them happy, you swing it around and choose to make you happy without things. In other words happy without a BECAUSE.

If you find yourself saying, I am happy today, because…..a, b, c, d, then you’ve just created the opportunity to sink in unhappiness without…..a, b, c, d.

Your happiness – no matter what happens, leads to the best relationship and all the great spiritual literature the emotion you show toward someone is actually what you get back, so, if you’re happy, really happy – regardless – then that is the most powerful way to cause their happiness. SUSTAINING THE ATTRACTION – FIVE POINTS OF CONTACT

When we meet someone and merge into a relationship there are certain attractions we are not aware of, and as these discount, we lose that original attraction. Then relationships fail.

Here, we list for you those original attractions, they come from five contact points of relationship. Any one contact point can cause attraction but all have influence. So, for example, we might enter a relationship based on one of the five contact points, then, all the other four are not important. As long as we sustain the intensity of that one contact point we can live without the others. But over time, that living without, is almost impossible.

View the Graphic Here

1. Contact Point One: Animal or Physical Attraction. We have five senses and each sense has criteria to accept or reject people. This is an individual thing, what one person accepts at a sensory level another might reject. The animal, or physical attraction between two people can therefore cause relationship, and as long as there is quality control in that area, it will remain a strong sense of magnetism between two people.

Animal Attraction of Smell: Body smells, perfumes, hair, after shave, sox, breath – the sense of smell is not so much given credit for its power of attraction but it is powerful in causing rejection. Smell is the first and most powerful subconscious trigger to turn off, animal attraction. I once dated a lady with breath similar to a donkeys bum, she was an amazing woman but I just couldn’t sustain attraction to her.

Animal Attraction of Sight: We have in our mind’s eye, a series of criteria that make us attracted to or repelled from another person. Sometimes we get attracted by what we see, and then it changes and we lose it. I once lost interest at a physical level with a woman I was dating when she deliberately shaved her head. Seems trivial but…. it’s an individual thing.

Animal Attraction of Taste: Although we think about our taste buds on the tip of our tongue, they also extend to our taste in clothes, furniture, cars, seats on planes, luggage, shoes and much much more. So, there’s an enormous need for some level of diversity with harmony in taste. In other words if a person’s choices are repelling then we can say they’re not going to be attractive to us.

Animal Attraction of Touch: When some people put their hand on yours it feels fantastic and tingles go up your spine, when others touch you, you feel invaded and cold. The power of touch in animal attraction is very important. One lady I dated sweated so much from her hands you could take a bath in the them, her touch was always clammy, and although she was a wonderful soul, I couldn’t really hold animal attraction to her.

Animal Attraction of Sound: Have you heard the sound of a winging moaning complaining voice – sometimes these voices emanate from one country or another, and this can be extremely repelling at an animal attraction level. The sounds of attraction also include the footsteps, the way they put things down, or move about the house, even closing a car door is a sound associated with attraction. Of course, music is obvious. It is important to feel a harmony with the sounds another person makes. Rarely does this attraction to sound include flatulence and belching.

2. Contact Point Two – Attraction on Mental levels

The mental level of attraction between two people is a vital ingredient of relationship because it underpins, romance, authenticity, attitude and respect. Mental level of relationship comes from COMPARISON. We will always compare who we are with in relationship to others. If we wish to sustain a healthy relationship that comparison must always result in a NEGATIVE. In other words our partner is BETTER that anyone else we continually compare them to. Some people are afraid of this comparison, but it is subconscious, and if ever we allow that comparison to be POSITIVE, in other words our perception is that the person we see looks, feels, smells, acts and contribution in our life IS BETTER THAN our partner, our attraction to our partner on the mental plane will be gone and all that is left for us in this relationship is to fall back into the physical level of attraction.

All affairs are started as a result of the loss of ANIMAL or MENTAL Attraction.

3. Contact Point Three – Attraction in Money

Although a couple may come together with vastly different wealth, it is in money SPENDING that there needs to be a harmony that causes attraction. This spending must be in some harmony, and this is triggered by AMBITION. One person with a high ambition to build wealth and another with no ambition, or a smaller ambition to build wealth will struggle to sustain a relationship at this level. One client met a partner and they found incredible compatibility in ambition. However, one person was happy when their net worth reached $1 million dollars, that was their dream, the other was dreaming of $20 million, and so their spending patterns became radically in conflict. Once I started a business partnership with my relationship partner and we built a successful business but she was content with what I thought was just the beginning of a huge opportunity, and we lost inspiration to work together and this, which was part of our original attraction, faded our attraction.

4. Contact Point Four – Attraction through Emotion and Love

Many people are very over committed to this level of attraction in relationship and as such it is the most common cause for attraction and loss of attraction. It is incredibly simple to understand why there are so many problems. First, we are attracted to people whose emotion toward us is how we want to feel. If, for example, if they are impressed with us, we want to feel impressive. If they are nurturing toward us we’re attracted because we want to feel nurtured. But there’s a problem. The emotion we have toward others becomes the emotion they have toward us, and a person who is keen to have some impression showered on them, is obviously being very hard on themselves, or if the person is needing nurturing then they are obviously not very nurturing so, the emotional attraction soon – very soon – flips – because people treat us with the same emotion that we treat them, and we treat people with the same emotion we treat ourselves. There is a massive amount of work people invest in this one area alone, trying to change each other, or even choosing “religious” correct emotions to treat each other when, it could simply be pickled down into “treat others as you want to be treated.” Ultimately, emotions are energy and the synthesis of all emotions is Love.

5. Contact Point Five – Attraction through SOUL

From a very early age we create the prince or princess we hope to meet in our life. Each time we meet “the greatest love I’ve ever felt” we meet another piece of that puzzle called SOUL MATE. It’s cumulative, we meet someone, find 20% of our SOUL MATE image, break up, meet the next LOVE OF MY LIFE – and now, there’s 30%. The time it takes to meet, merge, discover the incomplete missing bits and move on, varies between a few weeks and for some, a lifetime. I know of couples who boast 40 years together, but, the reason they stayed was, that they learned to compromise. The Quest For SOUL MATE is natural. The interesting thing about SOUL MATE level of connection with another person is that it has no rational foundation in any of the previous four levels and, takes no time. I met my first wife, when I was 19 years old and knew within seconds that she was “THE ONE” – actually she was around 50% of my Princess Soul mate, and I knew that after 6 weeks. Thirteen years later, we divorced.